Drake v. Lil Wayne tour, a review

I had tickets to see Lil Wayne seven years ago when I was a freshman in college, but unfortunately, he was arrested the evening before in Idaho and could not make the show in Eugene, Oregon. I have since forgiven him, and have been trying to see Weezy perform live at a reasonably-priced outdoor venue for quite some time. Last Saturday was this chance.

  • The tickets were 30 bucks a pop, including fees, for the lawn area, which was totally fine. $30.00 for Lil Wayne AND Drake? That’s practically free.
  • But the show was supposed to start at 7pm and those mo**** fu***** didn’t get on the stage until 9 o’clock. Who do they think they are?! I almost thought Weezy was gonna bail again.
  • Fool me once, shame on Weezy. Fool me twice, shame on me.
  • Around 8pm, the giant screens encouraged the audience to download the Lil Wayne v. Drake app on their iPhones, but like, everyone was trying to download the app at once, and no one could actually do it.
  • Maybe if they had displayed this recommendation a bit earlier, instead of an hour AFTER they were scheduled to perform, then we could have all gotten the app.
  • I’m pretty sure the app was designed so that people could vote for who they wanted to go first in the “rap battle.”
  • If I could have downloaded the app, I would have voted for Weezy because 1) I think going second is an advantage and I think Weezy IS more advanced, but also because 2) I didn’t trust him to come out at all if his performance was delayed any further.
  • So Lil Wayne came out first. Voted by fans form the app? Maybe. Set up previously by producers of the show? Also maybe.
  • The show was at the Sleep Country Amphitheater just outside of Vancouver, Washington, about a 20 minute drive north of Portland. But they shouted out to Portland several times. Did they think they were in Portland? They also had a back drop of the Seattle skyline. They may have been confused on their current city.
  • Or maybe not. Drake sported not one, but TWO Oregon Ducks jerseys. Total schmooze, but also not a bad touch.
  • Also, perhaps they picked the venue because pot is now legal to smoke recreationally in Washington and Lil Wayne was smoking basically the whole time.
  • Not that it would have stopped him in any other city, but you know, it feels kinda cool when it’s legal.
  • I didn’t really think about Drake very much before this show, but I’ll be honest, now I think about him all the time.
  • Drake is a really good performer! What a ladies’ man. He had me blushing.
  • The whole thing was kinda cheesy, though.
  • And the speakers did NOT sound good.
  • But I mean, at least they didn’t call out two handicapped people for not standing up during a song. I’m looking at YOU, Kanye.

Overall rating: B-

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Fat Fall: How to gain 20 pounds by Thanksgiving

  1. Get Pumpkin Spice Lattes IV’d directly into your blood stream, with extra whip.
  2. Eat lots of Halloween candy even though it’s still September.
  3. Hide the extra pounds under black leggings and long black flowy t-shirts.
  4. Realize that even though it’s technically an Autumn month, it’s still 93 degrees outside and you should totally get a pumpkin pie Blizzard from Dairy Queen.
  5. Become the Queen of Dairy and eat all the cheese, everywhere.
  6. Hide your new double chins under lots of infinity scarves.
  7. Hit the snooze button twelve times and miss your morning workout because your boyfriend is in your bed and he’s warm and just 8 more minutes…..
  8. Think about running outside because of the leaves and the briskness and your health, but decide you want to eat Pad Thai instead.
  9. Buy a Pumpkin Pie in early October and squirt whipped cream directly into your mouth.
  10. Also maybe see if the Starbucks barista will do this for you instead of on your latte.
  11. Watch the new season of The Biggest Loser while eating Kettle chips.
  12. Paint your nails with black nail polish, because it’s slimming and you’re gonna need it.
  13. Buy vegetables and lentils to cook at home, but then get Chinese takeout after work because you’re tired.
  14. Browse cardio workout DVDs on Amazon.com because it’s going to be too cold to run outside, but buy quick-dry nail polish instead.
  15. Eat 8 packs of string cheese from the employee snack fridge.
  16. Just say, “Fuck it!” and eat the Sun Chips too ‘cause they’re whole-grain, right?
  17. Write down your workout schedule for the next 3 weeks but skip 80% of it.
  18. Dress up as something fat for Halloween, like a fat man, a fat cat, the gluttonous guy from Se7en, or Ursula from The Little Mermaid.
  19. Remember that you have until next summer to get fit again, so let’s party! image

Chairs I sat in today

Toilet

Kitchen bar stool

Boyfriend’s passenger seat

Airport terminal seat

My suitcase

Different airport terminal seat

Plane seat

My suitcase

Plane seat

Airplane toilet

Plane seat

Toilet

Restaurant booth

Bench at car rental place

Rental car driver’s seat

Desk chair at Anaheim office

…and more seats to come! The day’s not over!!

What a lazy bitch, I am. 

Things that I hope will happen that PROBABLY will happen but still worry me

  • My Invisalign works as it should and I end up with a close-to-perfect smile.
  • My 401(k) continues to grow because I keep getting raises and increasing my contribution rate.
  • I own a home someday.
  • Someone loves me forever romantically.
  • My student loans get paid off someday.
  • I grow out of most of my anxiety.
  • I eventually have an office with a window and walls.
  • My hair gets to boob-length again because I’ve been taking care of it.
  • I gain some respect at the office due to longevity and aging. 

How to survive and sometimes enjoy working in a cubicle 40 hours a week

  1. Check out cubicle décor ideas on Pinterest
  2. Keep a pint of your So-Delicious coconut coffee creamer in the employee fridge
  3. Keep a space heater under your desk so that you’re prepared for the impending battle-of-the-sexes thermostat war
  4. Start a blog and draft your posts in Word document so that it looks like real work from a distance
  5. Convince HR to hire a girl close to your age so you have someone to relate to
  6. Be really nice to the president of the company
  7. Buy a bunch of 5 bananas and eat one at your desk every day at 10:00am sharp
  8. Consider buying a banana hammock for your desk
  9. Hang adorable-yet-office-appropriate photo booth strips of you and your boyfriend with thumb tacks
  10. When people complain or gossip to you about other co-workers, don’t chime in, but make them still feel comfortable confiding in you (This is a delicate, yet valuable office skill)
  11. Exercise BEFORE work in the morning so you can dive straight into Happy Hour or catching up on your DVR/Netflix after work
  12. Listen to Joe Rogan podcasts on your commute to and from work
  13. Except on Friday, cause when you leave work you will totally blast some Odesza or Girl Talk to commence the weekend
  14. Keep celebrity memoirs on hand to read on your lunch breaks
  15. Learn how to shrink your G-chat window so that you can talk with your friends while doing other tasks

I made a bet with myself to not buy clothes for an entire year, and this this what happened

Things that happened:

  1. Ran low on athletic socks
  2. Other people bought me clothes
  3. Friends lent me clothes
  4. Had more incentive to stay fit so that I liked how my current clothes fit
  5. Wore running tights to work because I ran low on slacks
  6. Cheated once and bought the PDX carpet t-shirt (limited quantity and the proceeds went to charity)
  7. Began to have less and less of an urge to buy sweaters and underwear compulsively
  8. Wanted a new bathing suit
  9. Met a cute guy and started dating him
  10. Got a promotion

Things that DIDN’T happen:

  1. Fashion crisis
  2. Mental breakdown
  3. Embarrassment due to lack of new clothing
  4. Saving the money I didn’t spend
  5. Super shopping spree once I hit my year mark
  6. Head explosion