5. Ken & Barbie, Mattel Toys: Another on again off again relationship, I know. But hear me out. As I stated in Part 1 of this post, the best power couples consist of two independent bad ass mofos who look good together, have fun together, thrive together…..but don’t need each other. Do you know how many jobs and hobbies these two have?! I mean, Barbie has been an astronaut, a pilot, a secretary, a stay-at-home mom, an aerobics instructor, a business executive, a baby sitter….TO NAME A FEW. Plus, she has like, legs for days and her breasts are a perfect C. (Yeah, okay, I’m completely ignoring what I leaned in Women’s Studies in college about how if Barbie’s measurements were on a human woman, she’d have to crawl around like a bear.) The point is, Barbie doesn’t need Ken and Ken doesn’t need Barbie. But they are both dynamic hotties who made some pretty cute kids.
6. Kermit the Frog & Miss Piggy, The Muppets: It’s a romance that really shouldn’t work. Kermit is a gentle frog who really just wants to sing songs and get interviewed on the Ellen Degeneres Show. I don’t know her very well, but it’s my understanding that Miss Piggy is pretty obnoxious and maybe a bit of a slut? Now, wait, there’s nothing wrong with sluts, but they can be tricky to deal with when paired up in a serious relationship. She’s also mildly abusive, from what I’ve seen, but can you blame her? The love of her life is afraid of commitment, and also, he’s a puppet, so it probably doesn’t hurt when she hits him. Well, opposites attract, I suppose.
7. Sam & Suzy, Moonrise Kingdom: I am always a fan of adolescent love, even when it leads to the premature decision to get married. But this is a tricky one. (Notice Romeo & Juliet did not make my list.) You must be practical. Were Sam & Suzy practical? The answer is YES. Sam was a fucking boyscout. ‘Practical’ was his middle name. Plus, they took it slow, unlike R & J who got married after only three days of knowing each other and then killed themselves over a complete miscommunication. Sam and Suz were penpals for an entire year before deciding to run away and go camping together. A+, kiddos!
8. The Lanisters, Game of Thrones: Just kidding, but they did have a lot of
9. Lucy & Ricky Ricardo, I Love Lucy: These two. Where do I start? Well Lucy is naive, spunky, and ambitious. She is basically the spokeswoman for “Red hair, don’t care,” and she pulled it off in black & white. Her cute, charming, forgiving, Latino husband Ricky is the perfect compliment to her sass. Plus, they were an inter-racial couple living in a New York City apartment in the 50’s. Way cool, and way ahead of their time.
The Body Book by Cameron Diaz (and her Ghostwriter). It’s actually decent. I’m kind of a slut about nutrition books and celebrity memoirs, so this is like killing two birds with one stone.
About conspiracy theories on Flight 370.
"Saola" by Beat Connection. I love it. I love it. I love it. I cannot quit this song. I want to share it with the world, but I can’t post it on my Facebook every day. Odesza played a cover of it last weekend. What a treat!
"Brothers" by Tanlines
Skrillex Pandora. (Not sorry.) Did you know Skrillex made some music specifically for the game Mortal Combat? It’s not bad for working out either!
Youtube videos on how to tie scarves
“Kid Snippets” on Youtube (you’re welcome)
Season 1 of Gossip Girl with Amelia (I guess I really sold her on that Chuck/Blair power couple post!)
NBA Playoffs! Goooooooooooooo Blazers! I see you, Damian.
Images: “rapid aging disease”
"Lead-based paint inspector training course" (I sometimes do actual work)
"Best drugstore lip stain"
doing for exercise:
I am a seasonal runner. I run on dry days from April through September. I will not run in the rain and I will not run on a treadmill, but I can get pretty crafty to supplement cardio in the winter. Jumping around, dancing, workout DVDs, etc. With that said, there is nothing like running to sculpt my butt and legs. I think the best shape of my adult life was last summer around The 4th of July/What The Festival, and it’s time to get back to that! Body parts I like to tone the most: butt (duh) and arms. I love toned arms on women.
A Bosu Ball! You can do so many cool exercises on these bad boys. Push-ups, planks, squats…..flip it over onto the round side and do some super-wobbly squats that will give you Thor-abs and a sweet ass! Alas, they are $150.00. Soon, maybe. Since I’m not buying myself clothes for an entire year, I suppose I can treat myself to some spankin’ exercise equipment, right? I’ve just been buying fancy shampoos to make myself feel better about not getting new clothes, but maybe it’s time to get serious and put my money where my booty is? Time to crunch some numbers….(YOU do the math.)
The results of my Invisalign
Doing a good job at work
looking forward to:
The sun shining
Getting my first paycheck post promotion/raise (Cha-ching!)
What The Festival
Meeting bad ass people who I never even knew existed
1. Chuck & Blair, Gossip Girl. I mean, obviously. The epitome of a love/hate relationship, Chuck Bass and Blair Waldorf are the couple you were rooting for the entire series and these two always look sharp, even when they’re opting for a quickie in the back of Chuck’s limo. In the Gossip Girl books, Chuck Bass is the annoying, pretentious, sleaze ball who probably ends up gay. In the TV series, however, he is still pretentious, yet somehow pulls off super crisp fitted suits in absurd colors in the most masculine way, and he’s like, a bazillionaire. And what rhymes with bazillionaire? Blair. Blair Waldorf will forever be my winter fashion icon and she loses her virginity to Chuck way back in Season 1. “Damn that mother Chucker!”
2. Monica & Chandler, Friends. Monica Geller and Chanler Bing combine perhaps the most prominent and important aspects of my personality: excessive humor and neuroticism/borderline OCD. True Friends fans know that although Monica and Chander end up being the longest running, most stable relationship of the series, when Monica was drunk and lonely at Ross’ London wedding, she originally intended to sleep with Joey on the night of their initial hook up. And you know what? That’s fine by me, the fan.
3. Harry Potter & Ginny Weasley, Harry Potter Franchise. The books, not the movies! In the movies, Ginny is significantly taller than Harry, and in general, I’m just not a big fan of the casting. However, I was completely rooting for their romance in the books. This romance may be the most relatable for me, because I love dating my sisters’ friends and I love when they realize that the older I get, the more desirable I am. Harry doesn’t realize until book 5 that Ginny has lots of friends and is also kind of a hottie. I am Ginny in this scenario, and my sisters are a rotating combination of Ron, Fred, and George Weasley.
4. Han Solo & Princess Leia, Star Wars Franchise.Han Solo is one independent
woman! I mean, his last name is Solo. But everybody knows the recipe for a power couple is two individual bad-asses who are even better together. These two didn’t want to admit that they were in love with each other, and we can’t really blame them, can we? Times were confusing. It’s really hard to balance being a girlfriend and a rebel, and we can’t forget the love triangle with Leia’s twin brother. Also, let’s be real: Princess Leia didn’t even need saving anyway, but Han Solo has a spaceship and a really cute puppy named Chewbacca. Millennium Falcon > Chuck Bass’ limo.
The older I get, the more I like learning from other people’s mistakes.
The older I get, the more I feel like an evil queen. [The-Frenemy]
The older I get, the more I realize how right my parents were about everything.
The older I get, the more I believe I can talk to animals.
The older I get, the more I realize how absurd it is to try and convince anyone to like me.
The older I get, the more I think about moisturizing my face.
I think about my 401(k) about 6 times a day.
I think about finding someone who I want to spend every single day with.
I can’t wait to find out what happens.
The older I get, the happier I am.
Chandler: How drunk are you?
Monica: Drunk enough to know I wanna do this….not so drunk that you should feel guilty about taking advantage?
Chandler: Well, that’s the perfect amount!
YOU do the math.
It’s been done, obviously. We talk about it all the time. It’s an ongoing joke. What if our lives were a TV series and weeks were like episodes with themes and guest stars and cliff hangers and to be continued?
The thing is, I think about it all the time.
Season 12, episode 14: The one where Amelia and I move into the condo. I always knew it was gonna be like this.
Last week’s episode is my promotion at work with my allergies as the running joke, and we end with Odesza where we’re dancing and laughing and kissing and oops, did we take too much?
The week with my epic work crush. I’ll call this episode Crush & Burn. But this is the episode where I go on a date with someone new. In this episode we ask, “Are you a good witch or a bad witch?” Always strive for a Wizard of Oz theme.
Season 5, episode 11: This is the one where I hate you.
This week is the episode where I give someone —— ——- even though I’m not sure I meant to. There’s a mention that one year has passed since the Boston Bombing, and I finally get some business cards.
Maybe we go on a hiatus, because things are boring or it’s summer or it’s none of your business.
Season 9, episode 24: The two-part season finale. The one where we all go to Sasquatch and have a mad tea party, and oops, did we take too much?
Maybe in this episode we all stay in for the night because it costs a lot less to only use one set and comedy ensues because all the characters are in one place.
This is the one where we break up.
This is the one where I go to LA.
This is the one where we weren’t meant to be.
The one that I didn’t tell anybody about.
The one where I feel misunderstood.
The one where I’m the luckiest girl in the world.
I always knew it was gonna be like this.